Kizamu
by Chi no Kaori
Summary: Because what goes unwritten is too often forgotten. Oneshot collection, canon, Kenshin/Kaoru.
1. Hands

**Disclaimer: **Okay, so I didn't actually ask, but they'd probably never give me the rights to Rurouni Kenshin anyway.

**AN: **Thanks to those who reviewed the first chapter (all five of you ;) ) I apologize for not replying to reviews like I usually do (it's been hectic lately). But I really, really appreciate the comments. For the rest of you who checked it out, I hope you enjoyed it at least a little.

Anyway, here you go – more really short fluff (I hope no one was expecting anything else). This one's called **Hands**. I submitted it as a separate story to **Tales from the Meiji Era** a couple of weeks ago (and forgot to thank the reviewers over there too. Heh. If any of you are reading, this, thank you!) I quite like this one, and hopefully you do too. Don't forget to review, yeah?

And last but not least, thanks to the awesome **older woman **for beta-reading this piece, and for all the really helpful suggestions. If there are any mistakes, it's only because I kept messing around with this after she read through it.

* * *

**Hands**

Kaoru slowly slipped her fingers to that particular spot and stroked. Her face lit up with delight as she was rewarded with a purr of pleasure. Eagerly, she resumed her ministrations, curious as to what other reactions she could draw.

Sitting next to her on the porch, Kenshin frowned. "You probably shouldn't be doing that, that you should not," he admonished gently. "Stray cats aren't clean, you know. And you're getting fur all over your kimono."

Humming softly to herself, Kaoru continued to brush her fingers under the ginger-haired feline's chin, coaxing more noises from it. "But it's just too cute! And I can always get cleaned up later." She lifted the cat off the ground and set it on the porch beside her, then gave a little squeal as it started nuzzling her hand.

Kenshin tried to look exasperated, but he could not help smiling as he observed his wife. Even as she matured before his eyes, she retained a childlike innocence that he found very endearing.

The stray had now boldly settled onto Kaoru's lap, mewling in satisfaction as the young woman ran her hands through the fur on its back. Leaning closer to watch her, Kenshin remarked, "That cat is a lucky one, that it is."

Finally tearing her eyes away from her new playmate, she gave him a sidelong glance, amusement gracing her features. "What makes you say that?"

"Well, for one, it has your hands running all over it." He gave her his best mournful look. "Unlike certain neglected husbands."

This time Kaoru laughed, the sound ringing pleasantly in the summer air. "Don't tell me you're jealous of a little cat, anata?" she teased.

"Aa, my dear, you know how this one hates it when he has to share your attention, that you do."

She turned to regard him fully, and he saw the speculative gleam in her eyes. "I wonder..." she murmured. "Would you purr too if I stroked you?" Her tone was light and playful, but the way she ran her gaze over him quickly banished any childish comparisons in his mind.

Grinning, he moved forward so that their faces were mere inches away, his eyes staring deeply into hers. "Would you like to find out?"

In response, the corners of her lips lifted in a mischievous smile.

In a slow, deliberate motion, she reached her hand towards the bared portion of his chest, left uncovered by his kimono. Both ignored the cat's indignant yowl at the loss of Kaoru's attention, focusing solely on each other.

His body tensed slightly in anticipation as her fingers ghosted his skin. The sound of his own breathing filled his ears, and his eyelids began to drift closed. Just a little closer...

"Wait."

_Oro?_

Having been leaning towards Kaoru unconsciously, Kenshin nearly fell forward onto her lap, surprised when she suddenly pulled her hand back. Palms flattened on the porch to brace himself, he blinked and stared at his wife, nonplussed. "Oro…?"

Kaoru seemed to be valiantly trying to keep a straight face, and failing. "On second thought," she said, far too innocently, "since you find that stray cats are dirty, I should probably go wash my hands first, ne?"

She finally burst into giggles when he let out a long-suffering sigh.

* * *

Liked it? No? Tell me... please? 


	2. Departure

Surprise! It's not WAFF! But it's still really short.

And once again my great thanks to **older woman **for the beta-reading and suggestions. My paranoid fears regarding posting something containing dumb errors are allayed now. Well, mostly.

* * *

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "Are you sure this is fine with you?" 

"Baka. I told you already, it's alright," she chided him. Indeed, she had - over and over again.

Each time, her answer had been the same. "I'll be fine. They need you; we both know that."

But still he kept asking.

He couldn't help doing it, one last time. "Are you _really_ sure?"

"Enough!" She swatted him, and he smiled. Only briefly, though.

Maybe it was because he was worried for her safety. And Kenji's too, of course.

But it had been so long since they had been threatened, and he knew she could take care of the two of them. And Yahiko would be staying at the dojo in his absence. Between her and Yahiko, they could handle any trouble.

He spared a glance for the young man, who stood some distance behind Kaoru. Yahiko had been fidgeting slightly, clearly awkward. But his wife's student met Kenshin's eyes with a steady, reassuring gaze. Yes, they were going to be fine.

Then, maybe...maybe it was because he needed to be sure that his leaving didn't cause her pain. Well, not too much, at least. He still remembered how much he had made her suffer when he had left for Kyoto.

But this time, he knew that he was coming back, and so did she.

Perhaps that was why, this time, she could see him off with a smile instead of tears.  
_  
Yes. I'm definitely coming back, so it should be fine, right?  
_**  
**He got down on one knee so he could look his young son in the eye. The boy had been standing by Kaoru's side, silently watching his parents.

He reached out and patted Kenji's head. "Take care of Kaa-san for me, hm?"

With all the seriousness a five-year-old could muster, Kenji nodded. "Hai."

A proud smile tugged at his lips. "That's my boy." Yes, they were going to be fine.

But then he thought saw Kaoru's cheerful expression falter, ever so slightly, as he started to move away.

"Kaoru..." He frowned, and reached for her arm.

"Maa, maa, Kenshin, you should be leaving now! The chief's waiting." Her smile now looked as bright as before. Had he just been imagining things? "I'll see you in two months, ne?"

"...Hai."

He glanced over her shoulder. At Kenshin's expression, Yahiko averted his gaze, allowing them some privacy. A quick look back told him that Uramura had politely turned away as well.

Cupping her cheek, he pressed his lips to hers.

"Take care," he murmured.

"You, too," she whispered. "Now go."

For the first time, her voice was subdued. She was trying, he could see, but now it seemed like smiling had become too much of an effort for her.

"Remember, this one will be back, that he will."

At that, she gave a small nod, then lowered her head, hiding her face.

"I know."

Reluctantly, he released her.

With another affectionate ruffle of Kenji's hair, and one last nod to Yahiko, he picked up his satchel, and turned to where Uramura was waiting next to the carriage. He did not dare look back as they climbed inside.

The two men settled in, and the carriage began to move.

He sat quietly for several moments as it took him away, farther and farther from home. That was about how long his resolve lasted.

Rising, he leaned out of the window.

Kenji and Yahiko were no longer there, having presumably entered the house. But Kaoru was still standing by the gate, watching.

He was too far away to make out her expression. But he could see that one hand was covering her mouth, the other wrapped across her waist, and her shoulders seemed to be shaking.

And then she was gone.

He hung there in the window for a little while longer, not quite believing it.

He slumped back into his seat. He ignored the quizzical look Uramura gave him, and stared out at the passing scenery.

He was needed. He was certain of that, and she was too. That was why he had left, and that was why she had let him go.

And it wasn't as if he wouldn't be coming back.

And yet...

He closed his eyes.

Maybe...maybe he had just been hoping that she would say no.

* * *

I didn't really have Seisouhen in mind when I wrote this, but I guess most would associate this scene with it. 

Don't forget to review. Please? Reviews make me happy. And if I'm happy, I'll post something less depressing next...


	3. Affirmation

**AN:** Takes place right after the Jinchuu arc.

Been a while, eh? My apologies to anyone who might have been waiting.

I'm still not completely happy with how this turned out, but I've been assured it's okay...Plus forgoing this one after rewriting it several times seems like a waste. This oneshot did spawn a sequel of sorts, which I personally like better. I'll post that one up very soon. Please wait for it!

Also, I removed the original first chapter of 'Kizamu'. I apologize to those who liked it, but it just doesn't seem to fit in here.

Thanks to older woman for the beta (and for catching one very dumb mistake...). Any mistakes that may be present are solely due to further fiddling on my part. Reviews and comments are appreciated.

* * *

**Affirmation**

Kenshin woke with a start, gasping for breath as he sat up.

The residual horror kept his heart racing, and his hands curled into fists. His eyes had snapped wide open, but he could see nothing – nothing but the images in his mind. He might have screamed, but he wasn't sure. He could only sit there, his chest heaving, waiting for the chaos in his head to subside.

The unexpected feel of fabric in his clenched fingers threw him further into confusion. Some detached part of him realized that he was in his futon, in his room at the Kamiya dojo.

But a single, urgent thought dominated all else.

_Kaoru –_

Panic flaring up once more, he leapt to his feet and ran.

He wasn't sure how he managed it, confused as he was, but he found her room. Reaching it, he slammed the shoji open, and saw nothing.

It was simply too dark. He bit back a long-unused curse.

The seconds it took for his eyes to adjust to the darkness felt like the longest in his life. When he could finally see the outline of her sleeping form, he heaved a strained sigh.

_She's here. Alive._

But his heart maintained its insane rhythm. His gaze remained fixed on her, part of him still unable to believe his eyes even as her image gradually became more defined.

Slowly, he stepped into the room, moving to kneel next to her, his need to be certain shoving all other considerations to the back of his mind. Staring down at her, he could see the gentle rise and fall of her chest. She was there, perfectly fine and safe.

And yet... Somehow, knowing that still wasn't enough. He could feel his heartbeat picking up again as his mind briefly imposed, on the subtly moving silhouette of her body, the frighteningly motionless form from his dreams…

He leaned closer, so that he could hear her gentle breathing. It helped, but...

It overwhelmed him suddenly; a powerful, almost painful need to touch her, to feel her skin, her warmth, against his chilly fingers. A solid, physical reaffirmation of her presence, of the fact that she was perfectly all right…The need gripped him, a burning ache on his skin, a phantom vise clenching around his heart.

His hand slowly reached out towards her, as if on its own accord.

But then she stirred, and he instinctively froze. Much to his relief, she did not wake, but being startled had jolted Kenshin's mind out of the trance it seemed to have fallen into.

It was as if he had left his good sense back in his own room when he ran to hers, and it had only now caught up to him. He first realized that the sound of his breathing was filling his ears, and gulped, trying to silence his gasps for air. He faintly registered the drops of perspiration trickling down his back, arms and jaw, leaving cool trails, and shivered slightly.

And _then_ the significance of what he had done hit him, and he quickly pulled back his hand.

He'd barged into her room; it was a miracle he had not awakened her. And now he was presuming to touch her as she slept. All over something as _stupid_ as a nightmare. He knew, kind soul that she was, that she would forgive him for it, but still…the impropriety of it…what had he been thinking?

_Oh, that's right. I wasn't._

As the haze slowly lifted from his mind, he slumped his shoulders and let out another sigh, a more heartfelt one this time.

He knew he should return to his room now. She was perfectly fine, and nothing would harm her tonight.

But exhausted as he was, both physically and mentally, he had no desire to go back to sleep. And he _still_ couldn't tear his eyes away from her...

_I'll just watch her. Just for a little longer, _he told himself. Watching her – no, just being near her was more of a respite than sleep could ever be.

The living nightmare that was Enishi's Jinchuu was over, but in his dreams he still saw images of her death. Some were mere figments of imagination, but most were memories of her fake corpse, the one Enishi had created – bloodied, pinned to the wall of the dojo, and his final glimpse of her – _it_ – before Megumi pulled the white sheet over its head…

Part of him wanted to beg the heavens for mercy, even if he did not deserve it. First Tomoe, then Kaoru – when would it end? Kaoru had been saved, but it still haunted him, how close he had come to losing her, too...

The moonlight shining into the room was faint, but it was enough for him to make out the features of her face. She looked peaceful as she slept.

Just like her body had…

_Oh –_

A lock of hair had worked loose from her braid. Unable to stop himself anymore, he reached out to brush it from her face. He could feel the warmth from her skin –

"Kenshin?" The soft tones cut through the heavy silence.

Caught completely by surprise, Kenshin stiffened, uncertain of how he should respond.

He watched as her eyes fluttered open. They sleepily searched the darkness, drifting over his face, and then settled on his still-outstretched hand, just hovering above her cheek. Only then did it occur to him to pull it back.

"Kaoru-dono –"

But in a surprisingly alert move, she reached for it, and pushed herself up into a sitting position. She swayed a little as she rose, still slightly groggy at awakening suddenly, but it did not take long before he felt her eyes focusing on him.

"Kenshin? Why are you -" She frowned, and he sensed her studying him. He knew what she saw. He could feel the perspiration still on his forehead, dripping down his jawline, and his face still felt as if all the blood had been drained from it. Her eyes widened. "Kenshin?" If her voice had not already betrayed her worry, the way her hand was squeezing his would have given her away. "What happened?"

She shouldn't worry; he should reassure her…but at that moment he could only focus on the warmth of her hand.

It was amazing, how a mere touch brought him such immense comfort. Slowly, tentatively, he tightened his grip on her hand.

If Kaoru noticed, she ignored it. "Kenshin? What's wrong?" There was insistence in her voice now, mingled with alarm.

Reluctantly, he looked up to face her. Having gotten his attention, she bit her lip, clearly restraining herself from saying more so that he could speak. But even in the dim light, her eyes spoke volumes.

_Tell me,_ they seemed to say. _Let me help._

It was a familiar expression, but one he had not seen for some time. He regretfully recalled how he had used to ignore that silent plea.

At that moment he could not remember why, and only knew that this time, he did not want to.

He stared mutely at her for a few seconds. There was so much he wanted to say to her: how broken he had been when he thought her gone, his relief when he'd found her, how the thought of losing her again frightened him to death...But the words seemed to stick in his throat.

"Kaoru-dono...this one...you were..." was all he managed. The horrific images assaulted his mind once more, and he shook his head, averting his gaze downwards. _I can't. Not now. Not yet. I'm sorry..._

"Kenshin." A hand touched his cheek - the one with the scar - and he looked up, startled.

She turned away briefly, and he realized that she was surprised by her own boldness. But then something in her expression hardened, and she faced him once more. In her expression he saw understanding, determination, and a sadness that made her seem older than her years.

"Kenshin...it's all right. I'm here," she said softly. "Let me help."

The sound of her voice shattered whatever resistance he still had. He gave in, and pulled her to him, pressing his face into her neck.

Her surprise was palpable, but her arms unhesitatingly slipped around his waist. He felt the beating of her heart, and the lingering tightness in his chest dissipated. Inhaling deeply, he let her scent fill him, and his eyes fell closed.

She was alive, and here, with him. For now, it was all he needed.

"Tomorrow," he whispered, hoping to silence her before she voiced her questions. "Tomorrow, this one will tell you. For now, _please_, just…"

He heard her softly murmur in assent.

He wasn't sure how or when it happened, but some time later they were both lying on the futon. He leaned into her embrace, body and fears stilled, and her soothing whispers lulled him into peaceful oblivion.

When Kenshin awoke again later, he found that she was still holding him, even as she slept.


	4. Vulnerable

AN: Thanks to the few who reviewed the last chapter. I like this chapter better than the last one. Maybe you'll agree?

This was originally written for the RK Challenge LiveJournal community. It is also a sequel of sorts to the last chapter. Which means I have posted a twoshot. In a oneshot collection. Huh. A summary change might be in order.

Last but not least, my thanks to **older woman** for the beta. She's awesome enough that I have to thank her every chapter.

Reviews and comments are, as always, loved.

* * *

**Vulnerable**

Kaoru wasn't certain what had roused her, but when she glimpsed a head of red hair through half-open lids, she was convinced that she was dreaming.

"Kenshin?" she called out anyway, her voice a low, sleepy murmur.

The red-headed figure froze, and she realized that this was no dream. She blinked several times before staring up at Kenshin's pale face, slick with sweat, a haunted look in his eyes.

* * *

He lay now on her futon, on his side. His forehead was pressed against her shoulder while one hand rested on her waist, his fingers clutching at the cloth of her yukata. His grip on her had now loosened, but earlier, he had clung to her firmly, almost as if he was afraid that she would slip away.

_But that's just ridiculous..._

Considering her own arms were locked around him, that wasn't about to happen anyway.

Kaoru had been occupied with helping him calm down – whispering soothingly to him, stroking his hair – until his gentle breathing told her that he had fallen asleep. Now that he had drifted off, and she had gotten accustomed to his proximity to her and past the _oh kami-sama there is a man in my futon this is so very improper_ stage – _of all things to be worrying about right now!_ – her mind had cleared enough for her to ponder what had shaken him. What could have disturbed him so much that he had slipped into her room and into her arms, like a child seeking comfort?

She had been ready demand the answers from him, so she could help stop whatever it was that was hurting him. But…

_Tomorrow,_he had pleaded. _Tomorrow, this one will tell you. For now, _please_, just…_

He had actually _pleaded_. She could still hear the helplessness in his voice. What could possibly have -

_A nightmare,_ Kaoru realized with a start.

It had to be – it made perfect sense. Another one of those horrible dreams, brought about by memories of his violent past. And also, she realized without bitterness, memories of Tomoe.

She knew they plagued him from time to time, despite the fact that he had never spoken to her about them. He didn't need to – she had, more than once, heard him crying out in his sleep.

But that was the thing… Never before had he admitted that his dreams troubled him, let alone sought her out like this. She remembered how startled she had been to see him, and even more shocked when he had suddenly embraced her. Had this nightmare been worse than the others?

Or...perhaps...Ever since he had rescued her from Enishi, things had begun to change between them, and definitely not for the worse. Was this more proof of that? She felt ashamed for even thinking such a thing when Kenshin was suffering, but she could not help feeling heartened. After rebuffing her attempts to get him to open up for so long, he had finally allowed himself to seek comfort from her.

Gazing at his sleeping face, Kaoru promised herself that she would not let him down.

Just as she let her eyes drift shut, a frightening possibility occurred to her.

What if she woke up to find that he had chosen to behave as if none of this had happened? Could he be that cruel? Staring at him once more, she could almost see it – his bright, empty smile, his falsely cheerful tone as he told her that he was fine, that he was, and what would Kaoru-dono like for lunch? She didn't think she could endure it.

But - _Tomorrow._ That was what he had promised as he embraced her, just before he had fallen asleep.

And Kenshin was not one to break his word.

Comforted, Kaoru closed her eyes, and tried to sleep. But her eyes kept flitting open, wanting to steal just one more glimpse of Kenshin's face. The sight of him captivated her. She had watched him sleep before, but never like this.

Kenshin had once had enough danger in his life that he would sleep sitting up, sword propped against his shoulder. Even now, she knew that he usually slept lightly, ready to rise if any hint of trouble registered to his senses. But here, he had huddled in her arms, trusting that she would not let harm come to him. He looked so...so...

_Defenceless._

Kaoru felt her breath catch in her throat.

With his slight build and delicate features, Kenshin was hardly an intimidating sight. But she knew him well enough that she could not look at him without being reminded of his strength, physical or otherwise. Still, she realized that he, like everyone else, was not invincible.

But she had not known that he could look so vulnerable.

The strongest person she had ever known, appearing so helpless…It fascinated, even scared her a little.

But, more than anything else, it made her want to protect him from any harm that might come his way.

_Kenshin...Is this what you see when you look at me?_

As glad as she was to know that he would willingly fight for her sake, part of her had chafed at the thought that she needed someone to defend her. She had gotten by on her own just fine after her father's death; how was it that, when Kenshin emerged in her life, she suddenly had to rely on him to rescue her? But she had come to accept the fact that as capable as she was, there were some battles that she could not fight on her own. And if he truly did see her the way she saw him now...his desire to protect her became even easier to understand.

On an impulse, she brushed her lips against the crown of his head, and wondered when he would come to understand _her_ desire to lend him her strength.

It had stung her pride, and made her fear that she was growing dependent on him, but she had come to accept him as – among other things – a protector. She was not as strong as he was. But she wasn't about to let that stop her from doing what she could for him.

And then, perhaps he, too, would learn that he needed to be protected sometimes, and entrust her with that honour.

For now, though...The fact that he was here seemed like a good sign.

With that thought in mind, Kaoru shut her eyes, and let sleep claim her. Her arms were still around him.


	5. Rest

**A/N**: Based on the final scenes of chapter 250 of the manga, after the Kenshin vs Enishi fight.

My first attempt at an actual drabble (exactly 100 words - _really_ not as easy as it might sound). The version on my LJ is slightly different (and much cheesier), in case you've read that.

* * *

**Rest**

It is only after he sheathes his sword that he looks up and gives her the smile he's been saving.

"Are you alright?"

Her eyes shine with tears, but she smiles back.

"...Yes."

She is some distance away, so he begins to walk towards her. But, exhausted, he manages to trip –

"Oro?"

– and finds himself in her arms.

He should be embarrassed, but he is too tired, and this is the perfect place to rest.

When she laughs, he feels warm tears fall onto his head.

"Kenshin...let's go home."

"Soon," he murmurs. "Let this one stay here for a while."


	6. Winter

**AN: **I swear I'll write something happier soon...

* * *

**Winter**

One evening, in the first winter after their marriage, she finds him sitting on the engawa, staring out into the open where snowflakes are falling lightly onto earth already blanketed in white.

"Kenshin?" she calls out, concerned – he is not even wearing a haori. But he does not seem to hear her voice.

She steps towards him, and still he does not acknowledge her presence. The reason quickly becomes apparent – as soon as she is close enough, she realizes that he is not seeing their little yard, but another place, another time, and her heart sinks.

"Kenshin." Her voice is a little shriller than she intended.

He finally turns, his expression startled, just before his lips curve into that familiar smile, albeit one she has not seen for a while – the one that never quite reaches his eyes. "Ah...yes, Kaoru-dono?"

"Is...something the matter?"

_It's nothing._ She can practically hear the words – she even sees his lips beginning to form them. But his voice does not emerge.

She watches, curious, as he glances away for a moment, frowning.

The silence stretches on, and she is struggling to find the right words to break it when he faces her once more. The smile is back in place, but now it echoes, rather than conceals, the emotion in his eyes.

"Kaoru...this one will be fine."

And she knows that is the truth. Her own smile comes more easily than she had thought it would.

"Well, then, I'll go and get started on dinner first." She quickly turns away, and moves back into the house, making it clear that she does not intend for him to follow.

As she leaves, she hears a murmured "Thank you," and does not pause in her steps.

When she is certain that she is out of his sight, she stops, and closes her eyes.

Allowing herself a heavy sigh, she wonders for a moment if this is what she will see every year.

Only for a moment.

Raising her head, shoulders squared, she makes her way to the kitchen. He will follow in his own time.

Kenshin has promised her, and therefore she will not doubt it; he is hers, for as long as they both live, at the very least – for all the springs, summers, and autumns –

For the woman who died so that the man she loves could exist, Kaoru has decided, the least she can spare is a few snowy evenings each year.


	7. Thaw

**A/N: **Continuation to _Winter_. Thanks to my beta **older woman** for her help. If there are any typos or screwups it's because I couldn't stop messing around with this. I'd be grateful if you could point them out to me.

I said 'soon', right? I'm really sorry. I actually finished this before I posted _Winter _but I've been wrangling with this ever since then (still am, actually...) and almost gave up on it. Ah, but you're probably not interested in my excuses anyway. Moving on now...

As always, comments are appreciated.

* * *

**Thaw**

One evening, in the middle of winter, Kenshin catches his wife staring out into the falling snow.

She stands at the slight opening of the shoji, haori over her shoulders. One hand grips the door's edge, suggesting an intention to pull it shut, but it does not appear as if she will do so anytime soon. Her attention is completely occupied – she does not even notice as he enters the room to stand behind her.

He watches for a few moments, wondering just what has transfixed her.

There's a strange, nagging feeling that there is something familiar about the situation...

Just as he opens his mouth to call her name, he hears a small sigh; her shoulders slump. She pulls the haori tighter around herself, and he is struck by how listless she appears.

He frowns, worried. He can't recall the last time he saw her looking like –

_No, that's wrong._

An image comes to his mind – one from some weeks ago: her expression when he turned his eyes from the falling snow to see her standing behind him, silently watching – a reversal of their current positions, but she's still the one who looks dispirited...

His gaze shifts back to the snow. And suddenly, many things become clear. The guilt comes as a deep ache in his chest.

"Kaoru-dono," he murmurs, stepping forward towards her.

Startled, she whips her head around. "Kenshin!" She seems flustered, possibly embarrassed, under his gaze; it only serves to confirm his thoughts. "I was just … the shoji…"

He interrupts her, softening it with a smile. "Isn't it cold standing there like that?"

Before she can recover from her obvious surprise, he steps in behind her and gathers her into his arms, pulling her back against his chest.

"Kenshin...?" He hears the confusion in her voice, but he pretends not to, choosing to stare out into the open, silently praying for her acceptance. To his relief, her momentary stiffness eases, and she does settle into his embrace after a while, but it is clear to him that she's not fully comfortable.

For long moments, neither of them speaks a word as they watch the snow together. He tries to assess her feelings, half-hoping she will express them without him prompting. He can sense her unease growing with the silence; she's tensing again, just a little, but does not say anything.

The wait, he eventually decides, has gone on long enough. "The snowfall has been heavy lately, hasn't it?"

She only makes a soft sound of assent.

He allows the pause to drag on for a few moments longer, before saying in a quiet voice. "Kaoru-dono...this one has hurt you."

Still she remains silent, her eyes fixed on the snow, but he can see how her shoulders have stiffened. Warily, he wonders if she will deny it. But then she lowers her head. "It's not your fault," she says quietly. "It's mine."

"That's not true," he protests. When she remains silent, he presses on. "The fault lies only with this one...will you forgive this one?"

He certainly wasn't prepared for her to pull away and turn, finally meeting his gaze. He is taken aback when he sees anger in her eyes. "What for, Kenshin? For remembering a woman who meant so much to you?" Despite the harsh tone, there is no bitterness, no accusation in her voice, only a note of despair, much to his surprise. The anger, he realizes, is not directed at him. She holds his gaze for a moment, and then turns away.

"Did this one..." He hesitates. "Did this one make you feel...inferior to Tomoe?"

He sees surprise flash across her face. "That's – " she stops abruptly, and then purses her lips, her expression dismayed.

"Kaoru-dono?"

He watches warily as her eyes slowly drift back to the snow that is still falling onto their yard. "So..." he hears her murmur, her voice so soft that he almost misses it. "That's how it is..."

"Kaoru-dono?" He probes again gently, but she does not seem to be listening.

For long moments. she does not speak. "It's all right, you know," she says at last, in that same, quiet, tone. "She was an amazing woman...certainly not one I should mind being second to."

He is not sure what disturbs him more – her words, or the resignation in her voice. One hand reaches for her shoulder while the other grips her chin, tilting her face towards his. "Kaoru, look at me," he urges. She does, but he sees her shocked expression, and it is only then that he realizes his slip, and that he is gripping her with more force than necessary. He releases her chin with a muttered apology, but the fingers of his other hand still tug at the sleeve of her haori, unwilling to let her go just yet.

"Kenshin..." She sounds more concerned than fearful, and it heartens him.

"Please, hear this one out." He takes a deep breath before looking squarely into her eyes. "This one...has never thought of you as being second to Tomoe – and this one never will." Had he ever told her that? No; he had never thought that he could make her think otherwise. That was a mistake, _his_ mistake.

She closes her eyes, as if trying to gather her thoughts, while he watches hopefully. When she opens them again, he can see tears threatening to fall. "I _know_ that," she whispers. "I really do. I know that she's an important part of you, too, and I've accepted that. But sometimes..." She trails off, her head bowed, as if in shame.

"Kaoru-dono...look at this one. Please." She raises her head.

"This one understands," he says gently. "Please don't be ashamed. For you to have been uncertain, this one must have been at fault."

"Kenshin –"

He touches a finger to her lips. "Just listen first, please," he urges. She bites her lip, and then quietly nods. There is a pause though, as he struggles to put his feelings into words. It's something he'd thought through a long time ago, but he'd never thought the same questions would trouble her as well...

She stands silently until he feels ready to begin. "This one loved Tomoe very much. And...sometimes...he cannot help thinking of her, and...how she died." The memory causes him to pause again, but his heart lifts when she reaches out to squeeze his hand tentatively, and he spares a moment to give her a small, grateful, smile.

"She is still important to this one... but as a part of this one's past." He clasps her hands in his. "The person most precious to this one is _you. _This one has told you that before, has he not? Did you believe it?"

She hesitates, then gives a small nod.

"That will not be changed, not by...someone who has passed. Nor by anyone else. For as long as this one lives...this one will love you, and only you. Will you believe that?"

He watches her take a deep breath. Her lip trembles. "Of course," she says, softly.

The weight in his heart eases. "For hurting you, by giving you reason to believe otherwise...will you forgive this one?"

The tears finally spill from her eyes.

"Kaoru-dono..." He trails off uncertainly. But then she shakes her head. "I forgive you," she says, her voice shaky – yet there's a smile on her lips. "I forgive you. And I'm sorry for doubting you, even for a moment."

He sighs. "There's nothing to forgive, my dear."

She lets out a short, sharp laugh that is accompanied by more tears. "You don't think I'm being petty?"

"No. No, of course not." Softly, he presses his lips to her forehead. "There is so much that this one puts you through..." He reaches out to wipe away her tears. "For accepting him anyway...this one is indebted."

She shakes her head again. "_Baka_. You don't owe me anything." Some sternness creeps into her voice. "That's not something you ever need to feel."

Of course that didn't matter to her. How could he have forgotten? "Ah...forgive this one. Again." He chuckles. "As you say, this one is a fool, that he is."

Her expression lightens too, for a moment, but she quickly becomes subdued again. "Just...be happy with me. That's all I ask."

He leans in closer, wanting her see the earnestness in his gaze. "And that, my dear...that's not something you ever need ask for."

He sees the way her eyes light up, just before she leans forward to rest her head on his shoulder, catching him by surprise. His arms slip around her, holding her close.

They remain there for a while, in each other's embrace. She's content to stay that way, it seems, for a good while longer.

He is not, however. He pulls away slightly, and then leans in to close the small distance between their lips.

The winter air still streams through the open shoji, but neither of them seems to notice the cold.

* * *

Thanks for reading!


	8. Grove

**A/N: **And now, for something a little less angsty...Started out as a scene for a longer fic, but it got further and further from what I had in mind. So I gave up and turned it into this drabble-ish thing here (heh). As always, thank you for reading.

* * *

**Grove**

The sun was already beginning to set. He should have been hurrying back to the dojo, but he found himself lingering in the bamboo grove.

Such groves could be barriers against evil – Kenshin remembered being taught that, a long time ago. But he felt that the comfort the place brought him was derived more from the solitude it offered.

The sword at his side remained in its sheath. He rarely did so anymore, but had he wanted it, he could have practised his _battoujutsu_, shielded from curious eyes by the tall stems. At the moment, he was content simply closing his eyes, listening to the rustle of leaves and the occasional chirp of an insect, breathing in the scent of the plants. He did not mind the mild chaos that pervaded his everyday life, but being on his own was refreshing, once in a while.

Alone. But never lonely.

After all, home wasn't far away. And whenever he was here –

He sensed the approach, heralded by the familiar emanation of _ki_, followed by the sound of soft footsteps. His solitude was broken, but he found that he did not mind. It was getting dark, anyway.

"Kenshin."

He turned around and smiled, so that she could see that he was pleased. "Kaoru-dono."

– whenever he was here, he knew she would be able to find him.

She stood there patiently, without saying anything else. She did not need to. She must have known that she had not needed to come here either, but the effort she made to meet him halfway was something he always appreciated.

He glanced back into the grove one last time, before walking towards where she waited.

_Time to come home._


	9. Smells As Sweet

**A/N: **Sorry if you've seen this one – it was part of RKChallenge's March post. Just thought I'd add it here. Thank you to all those who voted for this fic!

* * *

"How about this one?"

Kaoru noted, with some amusement, that an edge of frustration had entered the vendor's forcefully cheerful voice. _When I said "just looking", you really should have listened._Another small perfume bottle was opened and thrust towards her face, giving Kaoru a whiff of its contents.

"It's a classic scent! Suitable for a beauty like you. Made from specially picked white plum blossoms – " The man abruptly stopped when Kaoru frowned.

"White plum," Kaoru said, without thinking, "is the last thing I want to smell like."

As soon as the words left her mouth, Kaoru bit back a wince. _That came out a little harsh_, she thought, feeling a twinge of shame. She glanced around, and spotted a head of red hair two stalls away, idly studying the wares laid out. As if sensing her attention, Kenshin looked up at her expectantly.

Relieved, and feeling guilty for being relieved, she forced a quick smile before turning back to the vendor. The man, who had been staring at her, quickly shook off his confusion and scrambled for another bottle. "Not to your liking? I also have – "

"I'm sorry, but I don't think I'll be buying any for now. If you'll excuse me." She gave a short bow and briskly stepped away before the vendor could work up a response. She allowed herself a sigh as she approached a patiently waiting Kenshin. At his questioning gaze, she gave a small nod, and the two of them started off in the direction back to the dojo.

It took several minutes of walking before the noise of marketplace yielded to the peaceful silence of the emptier streets. But just as Kaoru let her mind drift into absent thoughts about the day ahead, Kenshin spoke. "This one agrees with what you said earlier, Kaoru-dono."

Kaoru frowned. "About what?"

"About how white plum may not be the best scent for you."

Startled, Kaoru stopped in her tracks and turned to stare at Kenshin. He only stood there, a gentle smile on his face.

Him and his ridiculously good hearing...Kaoru felt her earlier shame return – this time, though, it was decidedly more intense. "I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to – "

"There's nothing to be sorry about, Kaoru-dono," Kenshin said easily. "This one understands, and concurs. There are...sound reasons for it. Another scent would probably be best, that it would."

Kaoru bit her lip, uncertain of how to respond. She searched his expression, and saw acceptance, tinged with mild amusement.

"Kenshin – "

Kenshin let out a soft chuckle. "It has to be said, though, that your scent is wonderful enough as it is, Kaoru-dono. Really, you have no need for perfume of any kind."

Kaoru shook her head, amused despite herself. "You flatterer, you."

Kenshin gave a small shrug of his shoulders, grinning. "This one is sincere, that he is." He held out his hand to her. "Let us move on, shall we?"

Finally reassured, Kaoru smiled, and took the proffered hand.

As they began walking again, Kaoru murmured, almost to herself. "It really _was _an exquisite scent..."

"That it was, Kaoru-dono."

* * *

Kenshin set a sedate pace; Kaoru had raised no objections. There had been a shower the night before, and hardly any clouds remained to shade them from the summer sun. But the steady, rain-scented breeze kept them comfortably cool.

On an impulse, he loosened his grip on her hand, just enough to enable him to interlace his fingers with hers. He pretended to be oblivious when Kaoru stared at him, eyes widened in surprise.

He could not help smiling, though, when she squeezed his hand lightly.

_This is a good way to spend the morning, that it is._

They were mostly content to remain silent for the rest of the way, and he was almost sorry when their home came into view.

As he was opening the gate into the yard, he realized that Kaoru was gazing intently at him. "What is it, Kaoru-dono?"

"I was just thinking about..." She shook her head, and stepped through the gateway. "Oh, it's nothing, really."

"Come, now, Kaoru-dono." He shut the gate behind him, and followed her across the yard. When he caught up to her, he peered at her curiously. "Will you not share your thoughts with this one?"

She gave him a sideways look. "Well, if you insist..."

Kenshin caught the sly glint in her eyes, and gulped. _Perhaps,_ he thought, _it would have been wiser to keep this one's mouth shut._

"So, Kenshin," Kaoru continued, "I was wondering – what do I smell like to you?"

He wasn't sure what he had been expecting, but that certainly hadn't been it. "Oro?" He gave her his best confused expression – it was largely expressive of how he felt, anyway. But she only maintained her expectant look.

"Well..." He gave in to the urge to scratch the back of his head nervously. "This one might need to think for a while."

"It had better be a good answer, then. Some comparisons to flowers, perhaps. And worded in haiku form."

"Kaoru-dono..."

Kaoru giggled. "I'm kidding, Kenshin. You don't have to think so hard." She covered the remaining distance to the front porch and sat down. Leaning forward, she wrinkled her nose. "I bet I smell like sweat most of the time, anyway."

"That can be a gratifying scent, at times..."

Kaoru glanced at him quizzically, and blushed fiercely at what she found in his expression. "_Hentai_."

"Ah, you wound this one, Kaoru-dono." Upon reaching the porch, he set down the basket he had been carrying before settling into the space next to Kaoru. "And you certainly don't smell like sweat most of the time, that you do not. Usually, you smell like that soap you like to use. It has a nice aroma, that it does...Jasmine, was it?"

"Jasmine, yes. I'm glad to hear that, but...Surely, you can be a little more poetic," she teased.

He eyed her thoughtfully. "Well..."

"Well?"

Without further preamble, he leaned towards her neck, closed his eyes, and inhaled deeply. He heard her own sharp intake of breath, and sensed her tensing slightly before relaxing again.

He lingered for several moments longer than necessary, letting her scent fill him. When he pulled away, he saw that her eyes were lit with amusement. "Did that help?"

He suppressed a grin, and nodded. "_Hai_, that it did."

"And what did you find?"

"That the most wonderful thing about your scent, Kaoru-dono..." His voice grew solemn, but his lips curved into a small smile. "...is how you smell like home."

He saw her mouth open, but she abruptly pursed her lips, apparently mulling over his answer.

"Kenshin," she said at last.

"Yes?"

"Was that the safest answer you could think of?"

"Perhaps," he conceded, and they both chuckled. "But nonetheless," he added, "this one truly means it, that he does."

"I know. And...that was the best answer you could have given."

Her reply brought a warm smile to his lips.

They sat there for some moments longer before Kaoru rose to her feet. "All right, we should really get inside – "

"We're not quite done, Kaoru-dono."

Startled, Kaoru glanced down him questioningly. "What else is there?"

"Ah, well," he said, suddenly a little self-conscious. "You see...You've raised this one's curiosity as well."

"About?" Kaoru frowned, and then smiled slightly, understanding. "Oh. I suppose it's only fair that I give you an answer, too." She settled down once more on the porch.

"This one would appreciate it." Kenshin lowered his voice. "Ah, so...What does this one smell like to you?"

Kaoru's eyes narrowed thoughtfully as she studied him. Then, in mimicry of his earlier actions, she leaned forward him and took a deep breath. He watched with interest as she sat up and chewed on her lower lip – he could not even begin to guess at what she would say.

When she finally spoke, her expression was sheepish. "All I can think of," she admitted, "is 'laundry soap'."

He laughed.


End file.
